Introduction - My Testimony

I have been encouraged to begin blogging, so I will be interested to see how this goes. I am always learning about my Lord and how I ought to live as a believer. I like to learn alongside others. This will be a somewhat candid shot of my heart as I am growing in the Lord. I figure my testimony would be a good place to begin.

As an unbeliever, I was very arrogant in my knowledge of theology. I have always been an intellectual individual, attempting to argue with people for the sake of winning an argument. My dad always told me I should become a lawyer, and I actually considered it. I always wanted to be right. I would often begin an argument simply for the sake of proving that my point was the only valid option. What I had to say held Biblical truth. I had those arguments because I knew - at least, in my head - that I was right. I didn't let it permeate into my heart. I couldn't. I wasn't regenerate. I didn't know the Lord.

I grew up in a solid Christian home. Ever since I was 6 years old, I have been under strong Biblical teaching. My parents always taught me the truth as they learned it more accurately. As they grew, my stores of knowledge grew. I was rebellious, but still receptive to Scripture - or so I imagined. By the time I was 13, I was making a claim to salvation and was baptized. I soon realized that I was not a believer. So, at 17, I was baptized again, thinking I was saved that time. Lo and behold, I was again duped by my own self-righteousness and quickly accepted the fact that I was still tied to this world. I loved everything it had to offer and had no real desire to belong to the Lord or obey Him. I could still have intelligent theological discussions and debates with just about anyone, and I was very proud of my knowledge.

While I was still 17, before I came to the understanding that I did not really love the Lord, I went to this place called The Master's College. Some of you may have heard of it. :) After one semester, I wanted to go back home with every fiber of my being. I didn't enjoy my time at school. I went home and quickly got a job, doing what I love - math! Little did I know that job would launch me into a career that I would follow with my whole heart. That's when things began to go downhill in my spiritual life.

While I was at that job, I became romantically entangled with my first boyfriend. He was sweet, gentle, funny, and we clicked almost immediately. We were good friends for several months and soon got ourselves into a relationship. Due to complications in that relationship, we ended up cutting things off peacefully. Three more relationships later, I found myself with a man I thought I could marry someday. The Lord had different plans for me (for which I am so very thankful).

This man and I had known each other for several years and were friends. I was interested in him for a long time, but it never went anywhere. So I eventually dropped it. Lo and behold, we began to pursue each other and quickly found ourselves in a relationship. There was one small problem - he was a professing believer, and I was openly a God-hater. I made myself very clear to just about anyone - I did not want God in my life and I sure didn't want to hear about Him. I enjoyed my sin. Due to some of the circumstances within the relationship, I made moves toward attending church again. I quickly broke off the relationship because of the above-mentioned "small" problem.

I went to church again the next week, not exactly sure why I was there. I didn't want  God in my life. I knew what that entailed: too much work for me. For some reason, I found myself attending a Bible study that week in my church. I was pretty open with everyone that I still didn't want to be saved. That evening, during accountability time, my pastor's wife began talking with me one-on-one. I told her that I didn't want to be saved because it was too difficult to be obedient. I loved my sin. It was fun. She shared with me the truth about saving faith - that it has nothing to do with our ability to be obedient. That clicked with me for some reason and I still remember what she shared with me. It was that night that the Lord opened my eyes and breathed life into my soul - He saved me that day! This means that I have now been baptized three times - but only once as a believer.

I am not sure why the Lord timed my salvation the way He did, but my first Sunday as a believer was Easter Sunday. I'll never forget how surreal it felt for me to be hearing the Easter sermon as a believer. It was quite an experience. Ever since then, the Lord has been so gracious to guide, grow, and protect me as His own child. The posts in the future of this blog will contain my new findings as I continue to grow in the Lord. I am a new creature - I don't have to live with the shame of my past anymore.